No One’s Coming to Get You — You Are the Backup

By Jeshni Amblum-Almér

I was chatting to my cousin, and she made a really powerful comment: “We are the backup.” It made me pause and reflect. At some point, we all reach a quiet moment in life where we realise a simple, slightly uncomfortable truth: no one is coming to rescue us. Not with certainty, not with all the answers, and not at the exact moment we feel least capable. I don’t mean that in a bleak way, because, it’s one of the most liberating realisations you can have. We are often conditioned from childhood to believe in rescue. Parents step in, teachers guide, friends and family support us. We grow up with stories and films where someone arrives just in time and saves the day. But real life doesn’t quite work like that.

Learning to Paddle

If I had to describe life simply, I’d say it’s less like being rescued at sea and more like being handed a boat and quietly told: “Off you go… paddle.” Now, I’m actually quite rubbish at swimming, so the idea of being left in open water, with no instruction manual and not entirely sure if I’m even holding the paddle the right way, is not exactly comforting. There’s a certain kind of dread in not knowing what’s ahead. In feeling unprepared. In wishing someone more experienced would take over, or at the very least, someone with better eyesight to read the manual for me.

The Trap of Waiting

We’re very good at waiting. Waiting for clarity. Waiting for the right time. Waiting for someone to validate our thinking or confirm we’re on the right path. I’ve done this too until one day, a long time ago, I decided that I wouldn’t be defined by where I was born or by my circumstances. I moved from the comfort of a loving community in South Africa, travelled, met new people, built new relationships, and yes, not all of them were people I liked. Sometimes, life throws you a lot of curve balls, the journey can be lonely. You often second guess your decisions and sometimes you have to start again.  And that’s okay. We don’t need to be friends with everyone. We don’t even need to like or be liked by everyone. But we can always choose to be kind.  Henry David Thoreau, wrote: “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.” (And just as a side note—read Walden if you get a chance. I’m not entirely convinced I could live out in the wilderness eating mud and leaves, but there’s something deeply appealing about being free from expectations, norms, and other people’s ideas of how your life should look

 Along the way, I’ve questioned so many decisions: Did I choose the right job? Did I buy the right house? Was it wise to leave my country which has good food and sunshine? Does this haircut suit me?

But at some point, you realise there isn’t a perfect external answer coming. As Socrates said: “To find yourself, think for yourself.” That’s where the shift happens, from seeking answers externally to trusting your own judgement. You will make mistakes. But they are yours. Take ownership. Learn. Move forward. I remember when I was in Tanzania doing volunteer work with a medical charity. At the end I decided I would stop in Kenya and climb Kilimanjaro. I called my husband, who I was not married to then and asked if he wanted to join me. His answer, this is your dream not mine. In that moment, I knew I would marry him. Because, while he supported my dreams and crazy ideas, he did not feel the need to live them for me as well. They were my own to discover. Admittedly, climbing that mountain was not easy but I achieved it’ possibly because I was determined to never give up. I thought of each day as a 12hr shift and just kept going until I got to the top.

Your Internal Sat Nav

I used to constantly ask others: “Does this dress suit me?” “What should I order?”. Should I paint my house purple. Now? I buy the dress I like, even if no one else does. (And for the record, I think I have great taste, yellow and purple is the new trend). I order the food I want because sometimes, it’s not about being adventurous, it’s about enjoying what you already know you love. There’s something quite powerful in that. Be your favourite version of yourself. As Marcus Aurelius said: “Look well into thyself; there is a source of strength which will always spring up if thou wilt always look.” This isn’t about isolation or rejecting support. It’s about recognising your own strength and capability. Others can guide and inspire but no one else is going to live your life for you.

Choosing Who You Show Up As

A few weeks ago, it was snowing outside, but the sun was shining, the house felt warm, I decided it was summer. My husband thought I’d completely lost it as I traipsed around the house in a summer dress. But in that moment, I’d made a simple decision: this is the energy I’m choosing today. And that’s the point. We often think change has to be big, dramatic, or externally driven. But sometimes, it’s as simple as deciding how you want to show up. As Winnie-the-Pooh so beautifully puts it: “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” Pooh Bear really does have some of the best life advice. There’s something quietly powerful in that quote. It reminds us that what we’re often searching for externally,strength, clarity, readiness, is already within us. So each day becomes a choice. You decide who you show up as.

You Are the Backup

Strangely, the moment you stop waiting to be rescued is the moment you start to feel more secure.

Because you realise:

• You can handle more than you thought
• You can figure things out as you go
• You don’t need all the answers to take the next step

So Paddle

Because the truth is—life doesn’t reward waiting. It responds to movement. Start now. Because no one is coming to get you. And that’s exactly why you’ll be just fine.